yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
