I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
