when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
