i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pants are for mortals
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize