cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
