she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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