question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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