Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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