i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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