There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm always down for nudity.
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