I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
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Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
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Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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