Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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