You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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