What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
someone owes me an orgasm
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
