I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
