I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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