i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
