uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
