Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
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