Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
