Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
