Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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