I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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