I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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