somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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