Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
