Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you didnt know i had herpes?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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