so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize