He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
