My liver just broke up with me...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
