It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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