Sponge bath it is.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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