I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
