how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
