If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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