Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
