RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
