Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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