I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
