Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
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all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
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Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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