dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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