I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the day after is always just damage control
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
