Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
