How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
smell my finger.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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