mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
