Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.

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  (850): Miracle whip is the devil's jizz. http://tfl.nu/kavw
  Replies (16) Good night (1528) Bad night (1940)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  ...yea

  (614): View more from Ohio

  She's valid.

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  (614): So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence? (1-614): ...yea (614): She's valid. http://tfl.nu/5j37
  Replies (3) Good night (3370) Bad night (567)
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  (949): View more from California

  i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"

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  (949): i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE" http://tfl.nu/e95g
  Replies (18) Good night (1125) Bad night (4287)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?

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  (832): I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right? http://tfl.nu/xt5v
  Replies (38) Good night (5242) Bad night (1046)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.

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  (336): This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level. http://tfl.nu/cqt6
  Replies (12) Good night (4225) Bad night (1294)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.

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  (601): Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin. http://tfl.nu/g9sf
  Replies (36) Good night (4189) Bad night (1730)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...

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  (605): Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away... http://tfl.nu/4asr
  Replies (4) Good night (1310) Bad night (1208)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.

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  (321): I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex. http://tfl.nu/mg10
  Replies (6) Good night (2217) Bad night (868)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...

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  (405): please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin... http://tfl.nu/m01o
  Replies (2) Good night (630) Bad night (2004)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.

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  (406): Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years. http://tfl.nu/6vu8
  Replies (7) Good night (1118) Bad night (363)
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  (323): View more from California

  Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...

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  (323): Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow... http://tfl.nu/iqf2
  Replies (5) Good night (1288) Bad night (354)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?

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  (815): Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure? http://tfl.nu/5vd2
  Replies (0) Good night (473) Bad night (545)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.

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  (847): Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now. http://tfl.nu/76sc
  Replies (7) Good night (375) Bad night (609)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So how did it go?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.

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  (617): So how did it go? (508): I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake. http://tfl.nu/kgbf
  Replies (2) Good night (437) Bad night (521)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.

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  (847): lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying. http://tfl.nu/usim
  Replies (2) Good night (659) Bad night (326)

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