Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.

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(315): View more from New York

just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again

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(518): View more from New York

In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(217): View more from Illinois

You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.

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(469): View more from Texas

I will probably be peed on at some point today.

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(647): View more from Ontario

I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?

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