yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.