I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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