Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
