U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
