As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
