Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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