"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
