meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
