a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
