It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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