When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
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No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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