omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
