She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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