the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
