just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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