Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
