Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
