Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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