So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
