I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
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Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
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CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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