Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
