my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize