You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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