why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We're not piercing ourselves today.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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