What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
