my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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