my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
