It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
