yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
