I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
