So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
