When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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