apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
