I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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