you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Did I show you my penis last night?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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