Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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